The Jaded Local: WWLVD
I had a friend once who liked to liven up a long nighttime desert drive by turning the headlights off at 70 miles an hour and refusing to turn them on until I freaked out. This will be relevant later.I...
View ArticlePowder 8s: The Jaded Local’s Eight
Topics the ski media thinks that you’re fascinated by:1. Microbreweries in ski towns2. Things that are Iconic3. What it’s like to be a woman skier4. The rich inner lives of 19 year olds who are good at...
View ArticleSki Town: The Sitcom
This story originally published in the February 2016 issue of POWDER (44.6).The media is saturated with idealized images of rad people self-actualizing in the alpine while wearing colors that pop and...
View ArticleThe Jaded Index - Figures cited are the latest available from an empty bottle...
“The Jaded Index” is not a registered trademark. This story originally published in the January 2016 issue of POWDER (44.5). PHOTO: The Jaded Local contemplates the numbers of all things skiing at...
View Article7 Things to Wax Besides Skis - Life advice from The Jaded Local
1. Nethers 2. Car 3. Chest 4. Philosophical 5. Lyrical 6. *The dog, in a beer-fueled attempt at shedding mitigation, reducing absorption of garbage/roadkill smells, and improving overall winter...
View Article8 Concerns of Gear Nerds - With solutions!
1. How far forward of the line should I mount the bindings my new skis? None more forward. If you need to mount them forward, maybe you should buy shorter skis. 2. If only there was a ski size between...
View ArticleThe Beater Meter - How to tell if someone is a beater without seeing them ski
1. GoPro inbounds at a ski resort, helmet mount aimed at feet. 2. We’re in Vail. Oh shit, I’m a beater too. 3. Backpack inbounds at ski resort (waist strap unfastened and dangling). What the hell do...
View ArticlePowder 8s with The Jaded Local - Key numbers in skiing; smells in your ski...
Eight key numbers in skiing: 1. Triple cork 1440 2. 8,000 meters 3. 45 degrees 4. 223 cm 5. 150 days a season 6. Any amount of Hobbs Time in a helicopter 7. Double Daffy 8. Happy Hour 4-6 Eight...
View ArticleCoolest-sounding Names for Crap Ski Technology - "Revolutionary" ski tech...
15. Alpine Trekkers Rumor has it that these widely despised alpine touring binding adaptors have proven effective for “enhanced interrogation” on suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay. Subjects are...
View ArticleWhat Type of Skier Are You? - Beginner, Total Bro, or Type Infinity?
STANDARD SKIER TYPES AND BINDING SETTINGS Type 1 Cautious skiing on smooth slopes of gentle to moderate pitch. Lighter than average release settings. General confusion. Type 2 Average retention/release...
View ArticleWhat Kind of Local Are You? - Five people you will probably meet on your next...
This story originally published in POWDER’s November 2016 issue (Vol. 45 Issue 3). PHOTO: Jay Goodrich I. Guy who doesn’t want to talk to you on the gondola: Yes, I’m acting like a dick with my hood...
View ArticleWhat Would Skiing be without Apres Skiing? - Three runs, two beers, a little...
This story originally published in the October 2016 issue of POWDER (Vol. 45 Issue 2). ILLUSTRATION: Will Dinski Pinning down the exact definition of the only ski-related term that’s the same in at...
View ArticleEvery Day is Gaper Day - Skiing shouldn't be about getting gnar—it's about...
This story originally ran in the December 2016 issue of POWDER (Vol. 45 Issue 4). PHOTO: Bruno Long When weirdoes founded POWDER in 1972, the hedonism of powder skiing and freely shredding was a tiny...
View Article5 Pieces of Useful Ski Minutia - Wise words to heed from The Jaded Local
1. Pozi-drive, not Phillips-head screwdriver. 2. Finger-to-a-finger-and-a-half gap from the back of your heel to the shell with the liner out and your toes just touching the front of the shell. 3. Cell...
View ArticleIt’s Time to Set Pro Skiers Free - Because all they really want to do is go...
A very earnest A-list professional skier recently told me that he was trying to figure out how to stay in his profession without dying. Which is rational and healthy and also really sad when you...
View ArticleA Summit Plan for Dumb People - Announcing an easy-to-follow guide to get you...
DAY ONE Choose Your Objective Make sure it sounds cool when you tell other people about it, like the Apocalypse Couloir in Death Canyon (good job on that one, Jackson). We’re looking for names like...
View ArticleHow To Write Ski Reviews That Don’t Suck - In a world with too many good...
Dear 2017-18 Ski Testers, We have overcome many obstacles over the years: hangovers, hardpack, malfunctioning keg taps, confusing marketing lingo, too many dudes in the hot tub. But we now face the...
View ArticleThe Brutal, Honest Truth About Ski Travel - Five missteps to avoid while...
After 25 years of professional ski travel, I've learned a trick or two along the way: Don't make fun of an Italian border guard's tight pants, always smoke cigarettes while in France, and never talk to...
View ArticleHow To Be The Best Local Ever - The Jaded Local's do's and don'ts of living...
GEARING UP Do: -Cultivate local hook-ups and then sell all the gear on eBay. -Haggle shop employees making $12 an hour by trying to pay for a tune on your $1,000 all-carbon skis with a six-pack....
View ArticleSome Things In The Ski World Need To Change - The Jaded Local's new rules for...
Chairlift loading order on powder days would be determined not by who shows up first, but by an intricate system of style points that would encourage creativity and levity. Instead of rewarding those...
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